I have one more thing to talk about before I start talking you through the basics of masturbating, and it is Lube ( or Lubricant).
The female body is amazing but it can also be a bit annoying sometimes. For most of us, we can’t always get wet on demand. The vagina, when it’s in the right mood, creates it’s own natural lube when it is aroused. Lubricant helps accomodate vulva massage (external stimulation) and penetration. Without slippery slide-y lube, sex would be painful. There would be friction which would be followed by days of itching and agitation. Ouch!
The creation of our own lube often has T&Cs. If you have eaten or drank unhealthily, if you are tired, if you are stressed, or if it is the wrong time of the month, the vagina sometimes isn’t as willing to excrete any lube. This can then leads to a sex embargo, or the other half possibly feeling rejected, unsexy or frustrated – and it could leave you feeling like this too. And maybe guilty. After all, the effects of sex are all good (which I will cover in a couple of articles time), so why should your sometimes stubborn vagina stop you from having sex?
There is an easy way to sort this out – buy a bottle of lube, use it, and never not have sex again!
When I speak to some women about using lube, some of them admit to feeling like the use of lube is a shameful thing. It feels like cheating or that they’re letting their partner down by having to use it, because theire partner hasn’t turned them on enough.
Please don’t feel this way about lube. We should never feel ashamed to use it.
There are dozens of lubes out there – something for everybody. I choose to sell ID Lube. It feels very similar to natural lube, but it isn’t scented and it doesn’t taste funny (like some other lubes) It wins awards every year and has natural ingredients in it. It isn’t tacky either, which is a common complaint I hear from women who use other lubes. I have recently started selling Sliquid too.
There are a few different types of lube. The 2 most popular ones are Water-based and Silicone.
Water-based lube is exactly that. Water is the main ingredient, so it is body-friendly and in time it will just be absorbed by your skin, so it doesn’t leave any mess behind. The cool thing about ID Glide, which is water-based, is that it can get ‘reactivated’ so if you add more water to it, like licking it or a squirt from a bottle pump, it will get all lube-y again! Indeed, your own wetness can reactivate it too!
Silcone lube is much longer lasting and it doesn’t take much for a whole sesh. It doesn’t absorb into your skin so you don’t need to reapply any. It feels oily but it isn’t oil. Silicone lube does need to be wiped or washed off and may possibly stain bed clothes if you don’t wash them soon afterwards – but this can be easily overcome by using a towel underneath you. Something important – you can’t used silicone lube with silicone toys.
Try to feel a few lubes before you buy any, so you know what you are looking for (remember, I can come to you for a soiree or consultation!) But always make sure you have one by your bedside. You may not always need to use it but if you do, it is there.
My opinion on lube – start off your session with a little bit then you will find, a lot of the time, that you don’t need to reapply because by then you are turned on enough J If you start off slippery, you are more likely to continue to be slippery, as opposed to ‘trying’ to make yourself wet then getting frustrated and drying up as a result of it then not having any sex at all. Boo!
In the next article, now that you are equipped with knowledge and lube, I shall talk talking about the basics of masturbation, hoorah!
Rhiannon owns a sex toy consultancy business called That's the Spot.
As a person who writes and talks about sex every day, she needs to remind herself, constantly, that not everybody can talk about it as freely as she can.
At Ultimate Planet we asked Rhiannon to write for us because although LBQ women are generally better at discussing ‘vagina stuff’; this isn't always the case - and there are always new people coming out who don't get decent sex education.
MAINTAINING A SAFE SPACE
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